my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
