this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
