So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
