How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
