All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
