My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
