I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
