i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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