It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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