STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Randomize
