i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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