Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
