hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
