The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
