Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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