After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
