I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
