Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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