PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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