Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
