Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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