were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
