I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
