I could have mohawked her pubes.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
