He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
