Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
