Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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