ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
