I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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