Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
