Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
