I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
worst night to have a conscience
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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