i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
