they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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