Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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