You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
