Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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