alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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