I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
