It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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