8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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