This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
