im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just had sex bonerless
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
