I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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