when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
