We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
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