i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just googled if crying burns calories
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
