Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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