I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
