remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
