dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
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was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
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I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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