Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
