can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
