you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
