fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
