Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
