Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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