i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
