Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
