So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
