he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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