Sry I called you an 8
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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