I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
