hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
