There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
