Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
