the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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