i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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