dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
