dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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