We named our party play list daddy issues
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I will be naked everywhere
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
